We have all heard stories about bitter divorces. You may know someone who has been through one. Perhaps you have experienced it yourself. What makes the bitter divorce so disheartening is the fact that it doesn’t have to happen. Divorcing spouses can choose to be amicable toward one another.
In short, every divorce is as amicable as the parties involved. They can choose to not fight and argue. They can choose to not try to provoke one another or use children as weapons for getting even. Couples who end up in messy divorces get there because one or both have chosen to not be amicable.
Contested vs. Uncontested Divorces
Divorce is a legal proceeding at the state level. Washington does not regulate it in any way. Furthermore, states allow both contested and uncontested divorces. Couples are free to do as they see fit. Having said that, family courts prefer uncontested divorce whenever possible.
Chicago divorce lawyers at ABM Family Law say that uncontested divorces are preferred by courts because they:
- require less time
- require less court intervention
- keep emotions in check
- tend to be easier on kids.
An uncontested divorce could be complete in as little as six months. It does not take that long when both parties agree to refrain from fighting and bickering. Moreover, it only takes amicable couples as long as it does because there is a legal process that must be followed.
On the other hand, contested divorces can take years to finalize. When both parties dig in their heels and refused to budge, you end up with a back-and-forth battle that doesn’t seem to end.
Amicable Divorces Aren’t the Norm
Couples divorce for all sorts of reasons. In most states, a divorce petition need not cite anything specific. The person filing the petition need only declare irreconcilable differences to move forward.
Unfortunately, amicable divorces are not the norm. But stop and think about that for just one second. If a couple is capable of being amicable toward one another during a divorce proceeding, why can’t they be amicable enough to work out their marriage troubles and stay together?
The fact that they were not able to work things out is what led them to divorce court. The chances of them remaining amicable until their divorce is finalized aren’t very good. That is the nature of the beast.
It is All About Emotions
The interesting thing about bitter divorces is that they are almost always emotionally charged. One or both parties fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. One or both might purposely look for reasons to get angry. It is not a good situation when this sort of thing happens.
Equally interesting is the fact that each and every one of us has absolute control over our emotions. At the first signs of anger, we can make the decision to either stop feeling that way or go find some other means of releasing the anger in a way that isn’t destructive to anyone else.
The fact that we send people to anger management classes is proof that anger can be controlled. And if that is the case, every other emotion can be controlled as well. This further suggests that divorces are made messy by one or both parties deciding to make them messy.
If you are married, here is hoping that your relationship stays strong for as long as you both live. Should you end up moving toward divorce, remember this one thing: divorce is as amicable as the two parties involved. You and your spouse do not have to be bitter to the end.